Maude wrote for us in disguise. She kept it a secret right up until we published, then she leapt out at us at a party shouting ‘surprise – it wasn’t a random stranger who had read, digested and fulfilled the guidelines, it was meeeeee.’ To which we said ‘ahh man you already knew the bloody guidelines, but hey, well done, we didn’t know you were funny and could write.’ Maude has now changed her name to Kim Hankinson and she draws lovely pictures you can look at here.
Penny Lane went undercover and worked at a women’s magazine for us, we didn’t realise it at the time but it opened a door to the dark side and she has since taken up working at the Daily Mail. She also got pregnant so she writes a ‘mummy’ column which is fucking horrific. She made up for it by naming her first son Totally Mexico.
Professor Clever graduated top of his class in physics at Imperial in London, he also has degrees in microbiology, social anthropology and history which means he knows what happens, why it happens and who started it. He began writing for us because he thought we could use some brains and was worried that he couldn’t count being funny amongst his many skills. He can though, thankfully for us. He won’t tell us how old he is but he’s got proper grandad hands and Murray mints in his pockets so we figure he’s getting on a bit. He has a really funny Rolf Harris story which was his favourite anecdote up until very recently. Damn it Rolf.